Exploding Normality
by insidealiceshead
Summary: Zosia loves Ollie. Ollie loves Zosia. But will they get together?
1. Chapter 1

Then everything exploded.

He fell back, ricocheting against the floor in perfect time with most others on the ward. AAU was eerily quiet and still, as though debris, fire and people weren't flying through the air like an angry toddler's playthings. The split second of silence was centuries long until..

Screams were the first to slip out of mouths and worm into ears, sending rationality out of smashed windows. There were shouts for loved ones and for help, but those who responded did so shakily and slowly. The shock was evident on every face. No one knew why this had happened, or how, or if they were ever going to get out alive.

Oliver Valentine lay still, mind reeling blankly in a corner. He felt light headed, sleepy and almost happy. Gleefully he figured he must be dying, the dust, the distant fires and the screaming barely touching him, as if he were in a giant bubble. He could almost feel himself floating above it all. This was what he wanted in those months after Tara left him; he wanted to join her. The limbo was unbearable; with Tara and Penny was where he belonged. And that's where he was going now wasn't it? Was it what he wanted? He felt reality slipping away...

It came back and slapped him in the face but a second later. The literal slap was the piece of ceiling plaster skimming off his cheek, but he barely felt it cut into his face. Instead the voice that slapped him in the face more metaphorically than the plaster nevertheless hurt him much more. If he had been able to restrain himself from following it for a second, he may have marvelled at how one word has the ability so wrench his heart so forcefully, but to make it swell simultaneously. He might have felt ashamed at his selfishness for needing her voice to remind him of her. He would definitely have let a small smile flit over his lips at its beautiful sound, despite the terror and panic it was laced with.

But he didn't have that second, he had to get to her and nothing else mattered.

Zosia March had been thrown backwards by the blast, the chaos spinning and dimming as she landed, hard, upon the floor. She was joined a moment later by an escaped light fitting from the ceiling, which fizzed sadly in greeting, awaking her fading visibility with a sudden panic. She was lying, trapped amongst screams and rubble, under a severed light and around a corner. She would be unseen, forgotten, left to die. She whimpered the name that first came to her mind, before even simply help.

"Ollie..."

He rose with difficulty, all pain seemed slip from him as the yearning to reach her took over. It took over, he scanned the surrounding ruins at a hundred miles an hour. He saw a hand, so perfectly sculpted it could only be hers, around a corner. As he picked his was quickly towards it, he identified it as hers from the bitten down nail on her littlest finger. He seen her gnawing it during rare moments of vulnerability, and he remembered seeing her wide, worried eyes floating above it, a forehead perfectly positions for a reassuring, sympathetic kiss. He'd noticed it, amongst her many other traits and habits, while trying to distance himself from her wherever possible. It was the best way, he knew. Something would slip out otherwise: a kiss on the cheek or a "you're great as you are," for example, that was totally inappropriate and revealing to his true, growing feelings. Distance and the heartache that came with it was better for her; she was dating Seb after all. His feelings didn't come into it. She Came First.

He reached her and stared. She looked so small and vulnerable amongst the debris. Forgetting his medical knowledge and letting his human instinct take over, he pulled the metal crushing her legs off her with newly energised strength gained by the simple act of seeing her face. She yelped as the metal crashed onto the floor, no doubt joining it's many counterparts down there.

The yelp stirred something inside him. The simple fact he knew she was in pain he couldn't bear. He instinctively grabbed her hand. She grasped it back. They both wondered why the surge of heat that reached their hearts hadn't illuminated them amongst the grey background, all sound blocked out by their united front against danger and fear.

He saw her there, lying before him. She was in no way his to take, how could he claim any of her beauty, her wild spirit and individuality as his own? But she was so delicate, so vulnerable yet so strong. Yet in that moment he saw something new, something he'd never noticed in all his stolen glances at her. There was a yearning in her eyes, a fire that had suddenly ignited. Was she thinking what he was thinking?

She saw him, kneeling before her. He was so strong, so brave, so _dashing,_ with cuts covering his face from the plaster. She wanted him now; she wanted him to be hers, his arms to be her home. Between all of the fast paced witty remarks they'd thrown at each other a lot recently she'd learnt every crevice, line and contour of his face, but it would never cease to take her breath away. Of all the times she'd dared look at his face, she'd never seen it like this before. His eyes could have mirrored hers, she guessed, full of want and passion. But did, could, he really want what she wanted in that moment?

He felt her lean up to him. He leant down to catch her sweet scent. She leant in. He kissed her and she kissed him. In the middle of the chaos, their bodies morphed into one, and everything was better than it had been in a while, or perhaps forever?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank you for the response to the previous chapter – it was amazing! I love finding other Zollie shippers** **Hope you like the new chapter, as you can already tell I will be soo irregular at uploading, but I do have (some) direction for this story. Please review, suggestions are welcome. –Alice xx**

It was just a week after the explosion, and Zosia had spent it with her father. He'd insisted she take a week off, to recover.

"But Dad, I don't need it, you know I'm fine. I'm taking my meds. Can't I just get back to work?"

"Zosia, I don't want you back there so soon. A break can't harm you."

"I can't miss any more surgery, they'll think I'm just a weak crying girl!"

"Zosia. You're having a week off, and that's all I have to say on the matter. Do I really have to play the 'I almost blew up card?'"

So reluctantly the F2 bowed to her overprotective father's wishes. She grumbled and muttered threats, reminders she was an adult now too, and this could be _severely_ detrimental to her career. Guy ignored this criticism, a technique he'd been using all of his working life, and took her down to the seaside for a family weekend. Well, what was left of them, Zosia had argued, but with less venom than before.

But as she sat by the waves that were lapping just inches from her boots that were so unsuited to the coastal terrain, her anger at her father retreated into the sea with each broken wave. Of course she wasn't worried about the team on Darwin's opinions of her, or even, for once, her career. She was completely and utterly frustrated, as you tend to be when separated from someone you're completely and utterly in love with.

She'd spent every waking second thinking of Ollie, and every sleeping one dreaming of him. She hated the way they'd separated, after Seb had turned up and refused to leave like a persistent virus, and insisted that she couldn't possible return home alone. He'd escorted her to his, where they'd slept on his hard mattress. She'd felt like a traitor, lying there. Her wide eyes saw only darkness ahead with Seb next to her. Ever since then, he'd haunted her thoughts, though this was in no way unpleasant. It was quite the opposite for her love-stricken mind.

As she idly counted the waves sliding up the beach, she began to assign each a feature of Ollie's. The first was his looks, perfect features and soft, inviting lips. The next was his eyes, which could look into hearts, fix them or, in her case, wrench them from her chest and emblazon them with his name with just a passing glance. To the next wave she gave his bravery and strength; his ability to remain as perfect as he was after all of the tragedy he had endured. Then to the wave that was so small it was barely reached the shingle, she smiled, and gave his affinity towards 'cardiothoracic' chocolate chip cookies over pink wafer biscuits. The next was his quick wit; his ability to answer everything with just a flick of his razor sharp tongue, and how he made her laugh doing it. But to the last wave that was so large it washed overwhelmingly over her legs, she gave the way he kissed. The way he had, in a way that seemed to be the only natural thing in the world, stolen her heart and any control of her feelings.

Guy noticed the wave soak his daughter and dropped the stone he'd been trying to skim across the grey, lumpy sea. He wanted to rush over, but tried to restrain himself as he knew Zosia hated his overprotectiveness. Walking over casually and expressing concern over the soaked state of her legs, he wondered what was really going on inside her head. She'd been different, restrained, closed up this week. He couldn't see why, she seemed to be settling in well on Darwin, he'd certainly had glowing reports from the Professor. She had a boyfriend too, Sam he thought his name was, and although he was a little smarmy, he appeared to be making Zosia happy. And her bipolar seemed to be under control. He really couldn't see what could be wrong, but made a mental note to ask her later.

Guy helped Zosia up, and they walked off together away from the sea which she now saw as an extension of Ollie. It was saddening to once again have to walk away from him, with someone who wasn't him on her arm.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews; they honestly make my day so keep 'em coming! I know in basically rubbish at uploading and writing consistently, I'm sorry. I actually wrote this section ages ago and thought I would add to it but… Any suggestions as to where to take this story would be welcome, either on here or on Instagram h0lby. Alice x**

After Zosia's frustrating week, she was relieved to return to work. Being the natural doctor she was, it wasn't the lifesaving work shed be doing that worried her about returning, nor the intricate surgery or demanding patients. It was worry that she had built Ollie up to be such a perfect, beautiful man, and all he would do today would be confirm he was way out of her league.

As she stared into mirror in the messy bathroom she shared with her two best friends, she attempted to find an appropriate shade of lipstick to wear. "Not too bright" she muttered to herself as she scanned the cramped shelves, "you don't want to seem desperate." But too muted and he might not realise she was making a conscious effort for him. She rolled her eyes as Dom began to bang on the door.

"Darling, you cannot need ANY more makeup, you've been in there for ages!" he whined. "Diggers has attempted to explain the point in this incentive to make junior doctors do voluntary overtime at least THREE times now, and I still don't see why it should take priority over my hectic social schedule after a full half an hour!"

"Actually, it boosts your chances of…"

"ARTHUR I do not care at this specific moment in time, I just need to paracetamol so I can face the looming Swede at this departmental review!"

The door burst open suddenly as Zosia emerged from the bathroom, her red lips pouting, guilty but amused. Dom giggled at this sight, and consequently spent the entire journey to the hospital teasing her about who it was for.

Stepping inside the hospital doors again felt like a totally new start. She was no longer Zosia: the mad, emotional daddy's-girl; she was Zosia: a successful CT surgeon with a potentially dreamy boyfriend. She entered the lift with a small contented smile on her face, to the sound of Dom's "I bet it's that Cal from the ED she's got her eye on."

Up on Darwin, she was immediately attacked by a cheerful Mo: "Nice week off? You haven't missed much really, a couple of transplants, a triple bypass, and the Prof's latest love affair"

"Really?" Zosia exclaimed as she accepted Mo's overflow of case folders, and struggled not to drop them. "Who with?"

"The Chocolate Medley Doughnut box, on special offer from Greggs," she said nonchalantly over her shoulder as she sauntered away.

"Does anything change around here, eh?" remarked a different voice from behind her. It was deeper; one she'd spent much time fantasising over.

"Ollie," she stuttered as she whirled around. "How..." she trailed off as she was distracted by his eyes, pure and blue as ever, but she couldn't help noticing how they didn't seem to hold the same lust and desire she felt sure was sure she was emitting from her own. Questions began to rush around her mind: did I imagine the signs? Does he not remember that day, the cold floor and their hot yearning for one another? But she had little time to stare as a yell broke their bubble.

"Valentine, you're on Keller today, they've got a CT case they need you to assist on. C'mon, hop it!" Mo encouraged, as Ollie unwillingly averted his gaze from her exquisite face, and sighed at the thought of a boring day alone and Zosia-less.

Later, as Ollie took his first break for almost five hours, he let Zosia slip into his mind again, which he had so resolutely refused to let happen today. After a week of agonising over and dreaming of her, he decided it was best to not insist she settled for someone like him: scarred, still grieving and frankly boring compared to her excessive wit and intellect. How could he keep this up when being away from her was such a constant thorn in his side?


	4. Chapter 4

**Looks who's back after like one day? Thank you soooo much for the reviews , MissStilinskiHerondale (especially, that made my day) and Rachael I really appreciate them. Sorry the updates keep getting shorter and I hope you enjoy (and review) Alice xx**

Ollie walked into work on a crisp November morning, with a new attitude, a new smile on his excited and confident face. Today would be the day, he thought, today would be the day it all changed. Weeks since the kiss had been full of stolen looks, of assurances of 'just friends', of yearning and desire, and that would all end today!

He walked onto Darwin bright eyed and busy tailed, holding two coffees as a peace offering to Zosia, so as to get this big day off on the right foot. He scanned the ward for her, knowing her shift had started an hour earlier (he took a purely innocent interest in her schedule) but could not see his slight, fast-moving, quick-witted heart stealer anywhere. He sighed, and then heard a voice that drained all of his confidence and spun around.

"Valentine."

She stood there, majestic, with the air of surveying her kingdom. Who was he kidding; this was her kingdom. Jac Naylor had been the Queen of cardiac surgery here at Holby for a while; memories of a Darwin before her were consigned to the history books. And now she stood, tall and… evidently displeased with what she was seeing.

"Close your mouth Valentine, your brain might fall out. Oh wait..." she added sarcastically. He supressed a grin, knowing it would only provide her with more ammunition with which to embarrass him in front of the others with. He had a lot of respect for Jac, as he'd learnt so much under her steely and never gentle or caring guidance. Even now, after a hard day's work or facing the prospect of a difficult surgery, he would roll a coin across his now nimble fingers and remind himself that if he wanted to shine, he could always go and find some Cillit Bang, and grin about his days as an F1 under Jac. "With me," she barked at him as they commenced the ward round with a flustered and clearly startled Zosia.

Later, he was in the locker room for a break after a morning of being rushed off his feet by a more efficient than he remembered Jac, and Zosia walked in. She was scowling. He wanted nothing more to catch her face between his hands, lock his pale blue eyes onto hers and stare intently into them until she grinned and then kiss the anger and frustration and hurt away. He realised that today was going to be the day he planned to tell her how he felt, but that had completely slipped his mind. He decided to take the plunge, to go for it…

"Zosia, I…"

"Not now Mr Valentine I have work to be getting on with thank you!" she coldly interrupted and stormed back out of the room. What had he done? The way she'd just spoken; the use of 'Mr Valentine,' used so differently to its usual context of flirtatious banter. He couldn't see it and stood, hurt, rejected and thoroughly bewildered.

Zosia ran from the locker room to the toilets, where she flung the door closed in frustration. Had she been imagining these signs over the past weeks, all of the teasing and the fun they'd had? The drinks down the pub had been the light at the end of the tunnel of loneliness and a long day at work; the quotes that she had thrown at him carelessly and he'd retaliated with such humour and wit. How could all of those stolen glances at his perfect face, his pure, ever expressive eyes, mean nothing when a certain ice queen came along? All she'd had to do was click her fingers and he came running back to her, wide eyed and adoring, and completely forget about them and their kiss.

"Am I nothing to you, Ollie Valentine after all of this?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all so much for reading, and extra special thanks to Teamzollie (nice name), sotitmuss, Charlotte and Guest for reviewing, I honestly appreciate it so much and they light up my day. I have exams coming up this week so don't expect many updates (and I hope I don't disappoint you too much with this one). Lots of love Alice xx**

She walked into work the next day with a steely glint in her eye. She strode over to the lift, and neatly stepped into it and pressed the close doors button in one swift movement, enjoying the power it gave her as she watched the excited faces of a couple fall in offence and disbelief. For a split second, she felt ashamed of herself for taking such pleasure in being so cruel, especially as the woman was pregnant, and her husband was gently supporting her arm. "That must have been the reason they were here" she mused, but pushed the thought out of her head quickly. She didn't want to dwell on the woman whose life was obviously so perfect and so close to what hers could have been. She was jealous.

Jac Naylor was scared. She couldn't do all this on her own, since she'd pushed Johnny away and they'd drifted apart, both with regret and joint custody, but only one with a longing to try to make it work. Jonny had never been right for Jac and she knew it, but she'd wanted some harmless fun and a real relationship like everyone else seemed to manage. But as usual, she'd fucked it up. Could she not just be a normal human being? Couldn't anyone see that she didn't always want to be the ice queen, maybe it was just a barrier she put up against the world? She blinked back the angry tears, and as the doors of the life opened, she felt the icy disguise slip on like she had never left.

"Valentine, you're with me," she barked and watched him spin around quickly. His wide eyes looked first curious (he knew as well as Jac did that he was allowed to work unsupervised) but then resentful as he realised she was deadly serious. You didn't argue with Jac Naylor after all. Grudgingly, he picked up the stack of notes and stood up. Jac saw him quickly make a face as Zosia when they thought her back was turned, and Jac's face hardened even further as she heard the giggle the escaped Zosia.

"Right Valentine, you can assist with my triple bypass this afternoon if you're a good boy," she said patronisingly as they met their patient.

"So, Mrs Smailes, you're bypass should be this afternoon so if we can just run some tests pre-op we should be ready in no time. Valentine FBCs, LFTs and a chest x-ray if the idiots in radiology haven't crumbled away yet. Honestly, the average age of them must be older than all of your many past girlfriends put together."

She marched away, leaving Ollie remembering all of the times in the past she'd humiliated him. He'd forgotten although he admired and liked her, how callous she could be, how spiteful without even trying, and how able to always hit a nerve she'd been. He had to keep her away from Zosh, she wouldn't be able to handle her. He vowed to keep his two strong women apart. He dragged his thoughts away from Zosia (he still found this difficult although he did it countless times a day) and back to Mrs Smailes, who lay in front of him, bewildered.

"Doctor, could you possibly explain what this operation is again? I know you and that lovely Dr March did last time I was in, but I'm getting old you see, I can't remember all that," she fretted anxiously. Ollie felt sorry for her, she obviously needed a softer touch than hard-as-nails-Naylor, and as he saw Zosia walk past he called her over. As they talked Mrs Smailes through the op, he kept glancing at her wishfully. As much as he loved her strength and confidence and bravery, gentle and caring Zosia made him want to hold her and never let her go.

He snapped back to reality as Zosia rose from her perch on the bed and left to treat her other patients. It may have been his imagination but as he too left, she seemed to wink at him knowingly and he could have sworn that the words "go for it" escaped her lips.

After a tiring day he headed to the locked room to change. Jac had had him running errands more suited to an eager F1 than a unimpressed and unwilling registrar. Zosia had finished her shift an hour earlier so there was no chance of a cheeky drink at Albie's. As he changed, he thought of Mrs Smalies, who'd undergone the triple bypass this afternoon and had been so lovely, but had experienced complications and would now have a severely compromised quality of life if she didn't take various medication with abhorrent side effects. He stared at the photo of Tara in his locker, and felt angry at the lack of justice in the world. She was so young and full of life, why did she have to be taken? It was always the best of people. All he wanted to do that night was to get completely, mindlessly drunk.

And that is how a bitter Oliver Valentine and an even more bitter and jealous and lonely Jac Naylor ended up at a bar until late that night when they both had trouble standing. That is why Jac grabbed Oliver by the hand and dragged him into a taxi. She somehow managed to convey her address to the bored driver and Ollie had to almost carry her into her house, and leave her collapsed on her bed. As he tucked himself up on her sofa, he knew he'd regret staying in the morning, but right now, he wanted to forget the ice queen and her problems she'd poured out to him, slurring, over a glass of vodka. He wanted to sleep and dream of Zosia, of her perfect face, and the dream that she could one day be his…


	6. Chapter 6

a/n sorry for the longest update gap in forever! Please keep reviewing, they honestly make my day. Enjoy! x

Ollie woke to light streaming through windows he was sure weren't his own. He reached to his left, where his bedside table would have been, and grasped at thin air. He sat up, bolt upright, a look of panic on his face, wondering where he could be. He didn't have to look long, as across the large, sunlight living space, he saw the ice queen herself, already up and dressed, typing furiously.

"Jac, what happened last night?"

"I don't know Valentine, but I would appreciate it if you removed myself from my sofa; its brand new and I don't need you spoiling it," she said cuttingly.

"But Jac, we didn't, did we?"

"If you mean did you get anywhere near either me or my bedroom last night, I think we'll both be pleased that the answer to that is a definite no. Now as your shift starts in half an hour, I'd suggest a shower. It's that way." She indicated the door with a smooth gesture, sighed and looked back at her laptop in a definite 'conversation over' manner.

As Ollie stood in the shower and the water ran over him, he reflected over the night's events. The last week hadn't been good. Ever since Zosia rejected him that time in the locker room he'd become sure she didn't feel the same about him. It must just have been the shock that compelled her to kiss him, nothing more. He'd just have to move on, forget about her. But how could he? To think those eyes would never again look into his, those lips never smile and dance so eloquently with his, was enough to revert him back to his scrambled egg eating, nature documentary watching post-Tara state that Elliot had worked so hard to get him out of. He sighed, turned the water off and prepared for a day at work.

Zosia woke up in the bad mood she'd been in since she'd been so cutting and icy towards Ollie the other day. The boys had noticed it too, and as entered the kitchen, she found Dom ladling out scrambled egg onto hot buttered toast – her favourite.

"For you darling" he proclaimed as she sat down, bleary eyed, and vaguely registered Digby placing a mug of steaming tea in front of her. He sat, awkwardly, to her and looked at Dom expectantly.

"What?" she muttered, and hid behind the mug.

"Spill!" he commanded, but as he took in Zosia's bewildered face, he realised she needed some more prompting. "Come _on,_ you know I feed off gossip. You and Doctor Blue Eyes. Mr Be-My-Valentine. I've seen that way you look at him, what's going on?"

She looked up at him, her eyes defensive, annoyed at his bluntness and shining with tears.

"I… I don't know, one minute we're fine, the next he's forgotten about me and has run off with the ice queen to tend to her every beck and call. I thought he made me feel safe, and happy, and he was so perfect but…" The tears overwhelmed her and she sank into Dominic's shoulder, silently shaking with weeks' worth of pent up emotion. He held her as she cried, and even Arthur patted her shoulder awkwardly, which would have been annoying if it had been anyone but Arthur. Dom let her cry for a while, and then lifted her head slowly to face him.

"Listen Zoshie, you have to tell him. Get him alone somewhere, and tell him what you just told me, except in English, not sobs. If he knows what's good for him, he'll tell you how he feels. Darling, you're beautiful, you're intelligent and you're great, he'd be mad to turn you down. And if he does, I'll make his life not worth living: no one can spread a rumour like Dominic Copeland," He added in his signature sarcastic tone. She laughed, straightened herself up and tucked into the now lukewarm scrambled eggs. That didn't matter, they were made with love and good intentions, and she was going to be master of her own future.

She strode onto Darwin that morning with a spring in her step and a refreshed glint in her eye. She saw Ollie and Jac come out of the lift together, behind her. Jac looked as brusque and business-like as usual, but Ollie couldn't quite meet her eye. Something clicked in her mind – Jac and Ollie arriving for work together, the uneasiness on his face – were they a thing now? Surely not! But she couldn't be reading the signs wrong, could she? Today was going to be the day. She turned and headed for the locker room.

"Not so fast, Dr March, you and Mr Valentine are off on a course today, people skills for the tactless junior doctor, or something like that. Mr Valentine can drive you, I presume." She turned to Ollie and said "I presume your car is still in the car park after last night?"

This was too much for Zosia, and she walked to Ollie's car with him in stony silence. All her fears had been confirmed, Jac had beaten her to him. His eyes would now never be hers to look into, his hands would never be the ones to hold her as she cried. She sat, angrily facing ahead, as they sped out of Holby into the countryside, and then through open, empty moorland on an open, empty road. Ollie tried talking about the day ahead, the upcoming inter-ward dance competition, and even the weather, but to no avail. Her answers were monosyllabic and the tension in the car grew and grew, until they felt suffocated with anger and frustration. Finally, Ollie couldn't take it anymore, and stopped the car almost on the crest of a hill.

"Need some air," he muttered, but before he could get out of the car Zosia had lept out and slammed the door behind her, and was now almost running up the last hundred metres of the hill.

"Wait!" he yelled, and followed her. They reached the top seconds apart and she turned to face him. The wind whipped her hair around her face and her eyes streamed with tears and to him, she had never looked more beautiful. She saw his pleading face, confused and concerned, and admired it for the millionth time.

"Zosia, what's wrong? I want to help, please just let me in!" he shouted pleadingly across the windswept moorland.

"You don't want me, you've got Jac. I'll never be anything to you!"

"What? No, no that will never happen, never. It's you that I love."

She stopped, speechless. The surprise on her face quickly turned to hope, and he saw her almost stumble forward. He was there to catch her, and hold her in his arms as she looked into his eyes, to be sure he wasn't lying, like so many before him had. But his eyes shone back, pure, sparkling and mirroring her desire and excitement. As they kissed, they became one, and knew they would never let each other go again.

 **a/n thanks for sticking with me all the way to the end, and sorry for being the most irregular updater in forever. I hope you like the ending, lots of love Alice xx**


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